I got chris browned last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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