You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
