Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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