I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
