i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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