dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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