HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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