Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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