Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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