i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
