the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
