I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk is not a location!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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