I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
