I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
