ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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