Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
