hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
