you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
