new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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