You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
