She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
