yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
