Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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