I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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