Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
