Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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