Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
