I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
