# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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