We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
