We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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