Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think your dad took our porno
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
