My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
