Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We are two peas in an std pod
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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