my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We left the knife in your bed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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