u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
