Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
