I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
