the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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