Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
No subtext here. People are naked.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
