I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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