Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
