Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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