he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
