She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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