so let's talk penis.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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