I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
