I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
