also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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