He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
