i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
