dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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